Holidays and other special occasions can be times of stress for the best of us; for a divorced woman, however, stress levels can soar. We all have a history of rich traditions associated with different holidays, but yours are suddenly gone. As a result, celebratory events for everyone else can be times of marked unhappiness for you.
Divorce Recovery Survival Guide for the Holidays
I would like to suggest some practical ways to reduce the power of these consuming emotions and hopefully enable you to focus on building a new life – a new life with new traditions.
The foundation of survival strategies rests on the notion of planning coping strategies in advance. Waiting until the last minute gives you less control over the situation and, of course, makes for even more stress.
I suggest going one step further: put your plan in writing. Having a ‘formal’ document seems to give weight to your ideas; it will give you the feeling you have something definite you can depend on.
Another worthy add-on here: Have a contingency plan in place, in case the original plan doesn’t work out. …..I realize this detail makes for more work, but the confidence of knowing you really have things under control is well worth the effort.
Once plans are in place, share them with all the family and friends involved. It’s much better to give notice, than to try to have folks change conflicting plans at the last minute. This strategy offers a way to keep the peace during these times of keen tension.
Practically speaking, holidays involve work, so be careful. At such a difficult time in your life, it’s better to keep things simple. See how much you can let go of. I think you’ll be glad you did.
Here’s a positive spin on holiday traditions – start new ones!
New traditions might include being of service. Serving holiday meals at a community shelter, for example, is not only a useful undertaking, it is a mission that will make your feelings about yourself positively swell. …..What a meaningful tradition to initiate!
Another new tradition could be celebrating the ‘main event’ the night before the actual date, late the afternoon of, or during the following weekend. Remember that a holiday or a special occasion is a day like any other day. You don’t have to be bound by the calendar. In the long run, what does it matter which day you celebrate??
Another practical strategy – for the whole life ahead of you, let alone for holiday times, is to develop an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude is a way to view life.
Set the stage: Put fresh flowers around your home; light candles; feel gratitude for the many good things that are in your life. ….Some theologians say it follows that the more grateful you are, the more that is given you.
If you crave emotional control during these difficult times, as always -you must first focus on your thoughts. Recognize the harsh fact that you have choices. That is to say, you can choose to allow the holidays to overcome you, or you can ardently choose to overcome this despair.
Concentrate on your future. Envision the life you want from now on and start planning it. Nineteenth century writer, Johann von Goethe, said: “If you can dream it, you can do it.” ……what an upbeat focus on life!
Meetings with my clients always end with a plan of action. Your holiday Action Plan might center on how you would accomplish measures presented in this article. For example:
What will you do? When/where will the activity take place? Who is involved in your plans? How/when will you communicate your plan to those involved? Do you have contingency plans? And, most important of all – What will you do to take care of yourself?!
It is my hope that you are able to handle your holidays with ease and that many of its blessings will indeed come your way.
| About the author:Judy Smith is a coach whose 3-step program enables a divorced woman to create a fulfilling new life – in months, not years. Visit her website to find out more: www.Judysmithdivorcecoach.com
For a complimentary 20-minute telephone strategy session, send Judy an e-mail and let her know the best days/times for you to talk. Contact:Judy@judysmithdivorcecoach.com She will be eager to speak with you! |
