Moving beyond the pain of divorce – a spiritual view of recovery from divorce.
Author and speaker, Doug Billings has studied for the Catholic priesthood and earned two degrees. He refers to himself as a “wounded healer” and has shared examples and insights of how he overcame mistakes in his own life in his effort to help others heal. Doug begins here with some pretty direct divorce advice.
Not wanting to beat around the bush — if you want to move beyond the pain of your divorce, two things are required: Compassion & forgiveness.
It’s all too easy to go to war and destroy more of each other’s lives. Don’t look at this moment as a time to go for the jugular, demanding huge settlements. Be fair and compassionate. —By the way, you’ll feel better too.
Forgiveness is no easy task – especially if you are the one who was left. But it is essential to offer it if you ever hope to love fully again. Refusing to offer forgiveness kills love.
The first step in offering forgiveness is to recognize why it’s required. Don’t hide behind statements like “It’s all his/her fault!” Divorce rarely happens because it is solely one person’s fault. Acknowledge your part in the divorce situation. Acknowledge your ex’s part in it. Let both parts percolate through you. Own them. Do not ignore them. Scream and shout about them (to yourself). Express your anger and hurt over them. Cry over them.
Soon, you will find a stunning revelation – you are not only able to forgive but you earnestly want to forgive! Out of the taking ownership, screaming & shouting, expressing anger and crying over the reasons, a transfiguration within occurs. One moves from being closed off and refusing to forgive because we mistakenly think by doing so we are punishing the other person – to the correct realization that only by forgiving we stop punishing ourselves and become able to move beyond pain and towards loving again.
Once both compassion and forgiveness are combined, you will notice calm coming forth from the pain of your current situation and your heart will be fertile for love again.
 This is a guest post by Judy Smith. Judy specializes in helping women create a new life after divorce. She uses experience and skills acquired over a lifetime to help divorced people transform their lives. Get the personalized help you need by joining her Divorce Coaching Club.
“It’s never too late to live happily ever after.” |
