After a divorce, we experience such self-doubt that we often try to protect what remains of our egos and do it by putting up a front to the outside world. At first, it often feels that this outward show is making things easier for us. But what we soon find is that this mask – meant to cocoon us while we try to make ourselves appear (as what we think is) acceptable – has actually become the proverbial albatross around our necks.
Who wants to live never letting their guard down? It’s exhausting!
In addition to that, the very thing we are counting on to make things easier and make us more acceptable in others’ eyes, actually puts a wall around us, limiting our ability to communicate intimately with those very same people! We miss out on an opportunity for deep, meaningful connections with our fellow human beings.
It’s one thing to put up a nice front that makes you pleasant company. Remember, society has certain rules of behavior and it makes things more pleasant for all of us. That’s a comfortable mask and shouldn’t feel like a burden. But when the mask is thickened, maybe because we feel compelled to tamp down our real feelings or have gone through some traumatic event that exposes our weaknesses, then that mask has become a heavy weight.
Well, it’s time to expose what lies beneath.
Not to worry: That won’t happen overnight. To drop that “security blanket,” suddenly would be a scary proposition, even if wearing that mask does wear us down. Rather, the ‘dropping of the mask’ may be something you have to dip your toes into before completely jumping in up to your ears. There could be several layers to your mask that have built up over the years. Look at this as a process.
Here are some tips to prepare yourself for dropping that mask:
1. Journal
Get a journal, and start writing. This will help you get acquainted with who you are, in all your glory—imperfections included. A journal is a safe environment where you can let your hair down.
2. Confide
When you feel ready, confide something small that you see as a weakness to a dear, trusted friend. Ask for their feedback: do they think less of you for sharing? You may prompt them to open up to you about something weighing on them!
3. Explore
Make a new acquaintance. Introduce you, which may be different than the person you normally present. One way to do this is to join a group that shares an interest that you have wanted to explore. It will open and nurture your true identity, allowing you to be yourself in a setting that fulfills something in you.
4. Unlock
In your journaling, start naming names: what are those masks you’re wearing, anyway? Where did they come from? If you have residual pain or unhappiness from events in your past, get it out in the open, so you can work through it.
5. Commit
Find ways to begin living honestly and openly, committing to releasing your true identity a little more each day. Go at a pace that feels comfortable to you, and build on your successes.
What you may be surprised to find is that no one thinks any less of you as you begin to open up. You may be even more surprised to find that they admire your courage and honesty! Who knows, but maybe you could inspire someone else who has been hiding behind a mask to begin stepping out from behind theirs, too.
It will enrich your life to live authentically—as yourself—and bring you a greater level of intimacy with the people in your life, something you may have never experienced before, leaving you feeling more fulfilled than you thought possible.
 This is a guest post by Judy Smith. Judy specializes in helping women create a new life after divorce. She uses experience and skills acquired over a lifetime to help divorced people transform their lives. Get the personalized help you need by joining her Divorce Coaching Club.
“It’s never too late to live happily ever after.” |
