From the Norfolk Examiner
Psychologist Martin Seligman sheds some light on the difference between two similar-sounding theories: Learned Hopelessness and Learned Helplessness. Learned hopelessness is a more serious state, bordering on deep depression. Learned hopelessness is often the result of being in a state of learned helplessness for a long time. … It seems reasonable, then that involvement in addictive and abusive relationships will contribute to one’s ‘weariness’ and thus cause feelings of hopelessness.
The problem with prolonged bouts of hopelessness is that it may be a sign that an individual is setting him or herself up for a relationship pattern known as the “Super Victim Syndrome”. It stands to reason that, if you stay for an extended period of time in an unhealthy relationship, you stand to wind up feeling more helpless and hopeless. Emotional and psychological abuse creates damage that, once incurred, is difficult to heal.
Divorce is a highly emotionally charged transition. No wonder it takes such a toll on an individual. It is a stepping stone which often leaves people with a sense of hopelessness – just by virtue of the fact that the divorce occurred in the first place. A psychologist I know offered an excellent interpretation of such a life transition, “Divorce is a choice born out of hopelessness about the viability of the relationship and the possibility for change.”
To achieve relief from pain, of course, one needs to seek healing remedies. You could start by getting information: read books, search the Internet, seek the wisdom of mentors you respect. You could expand your social circle too. Should pain continue for an extended period of time, however, you might want to seek support from a professional. I would be honored to be considered the professional divorce coach who could help you use divorce as the foundation for turning ‘theories of hopelessness’ into ‘theories of optimism’.
“I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus on the brightest. I do not judge the universe.”
– the Dalai Lama
 This is a guest post by Judy Smith. Judy specializes in helping women create a new life after divorce. She uses experience and skills acquired over a lifetime to help divorced people transform their lives. Get the personalized help you need by joining her Divorce Coaching Club.
“It’s never too late to live happily ever after.” |
