Controlling your emotions is probably one of the most difficult aspects of divorce recovery. It’s the easiest advice to give and yet, the hardest to implement.
If you’re having trouble controlling your emotions in the wake of your divorce, congratulations! You’re human!
The image to the left is a prime example of how NORMAL it is to be experiencing INTENSE emotions in the wake of your divorce.
(If you can’t resist, click on the image and it will take you to Think Geek to purchase this item!)
From the Think Geek Website:Makes storing your knives a cathartic experience!
So if you needed reassurance that anger is normal when recovering from divorce – take heart from the cathartic knife storage device from Think Geek.
Anger is normal. It’s a healthy part of the grief process and divorce definitely demands that you work through the full spectrum of the grief process. However, while anger is a healthy and normal emotion – it is a powerful emotion and one that you should try to control. While the Ex-Knife holder might make you smile, doing the same to your ex-spouse is NOT recommended!
Divorce Recovery Advice Tip #2 is to Control Your Emotions.
So it’s a given – intense emotions are just part of the game when it coems to recovering from your divorce. But just because it’s natural, doesn’t mean you need to lose all self control. While it’s good to “vent” to family and close friends, there is a time and place for venting.
- Venting to your best friend about how your ex wronged you over a few glasses of wine or a carton of Hagen-Das is healthy.
- Venting to the clerk at the mall or the stock boy at the grocery store about how your ex wronged you probably isn’t appropriate.
However, its important to keep in mind that it’s a fine line that separates “venting” from “obsessing”. Venting or processing can be healthy and will help you to process the hurt and anger. It’s like putting together pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Each “session” helps you to put more pieces together until finally you have all the pieces assembled.
On the other hand, you’ll know you’ve crossed the line into “obsessing” when the feelings of hurt and anger grow stronger. Processing makes the hurt and anger gradually fade, while obsession only feeds the fire.
Think of “processing” or “venting” as walking in a straight line. Behind you is the hurt and anger of your divorce. Ahead of you is the happily every after that you deserve.
Obsessing, on the other hand keeps circling back.
Obsessing means you can’t reach your happily ever after because you’re making frequent trips back to the original pain, anger and hurt.
Divorce Recovery Advice Tip #2 is to Control Your Emotions. Make sure you’ve charted a course towards your own “happily ever after” without frequent detours to wallow in the past.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I agree, Kathy. When I got divorced after 37 yrs. of marriage I was practically shell-shocked. I didn’t know how to cope. It didn’t take long to figure out that ‘time simply wasn’t going to care of everything’ for me – that I had to start getting myself through the pain somehow. …..But, you know, there’s good news in all of this: By learning to manage the pain after my divorce, I became a stronger person. That strength made me feel whole again and ready to build a new life.
Congratulations Judy! It sounds like you’ve made it!