Divorce is painful. That’s a given. No matter how miserable you were in your marriage – or how happy you thought you were in your marriage, getting through the maze of emotions that are part of divorce recovery takes time.
For most, friends and family are a cherished resource at this time. However, as you turn to your family and friends for support as you recover from your divorce, it’s important to remember that your friends and family are going through their own divorce recovery as well.
Divorce Recovery Advice: Tip #1 – Get Professional Help
My sister was working with a top notch therapist as her marriage came to a ugly end. She had essential professional support during that difficult time. She was lucky that she had the resources to continue working with her therapist with whom she already had an established relationship when her husband left her for another woman.
The emotional pain of my sister’s divorce was incredible, not only for my sister but for me, my family and our parents as well. When my sister’s husband decided to “trade her in” for a younger model- he ripped our extended family apart. Everyone who loved he and my sister were destroyed emotionally. My sister’s husband robbed my parents of son-in-law. He robbed me of a brother-in-law. He robbed my children of their favorite uncle.
I guess what I find surprising is how difficult the end of my SISTER’S marriage was for me and my family. Even though it wasn’t “our” divorce, we were definitely affected. As I said, my sister had the benefit of maintaining her long standing relationship with a therapist and his support was crucial during this time.
As I look back over this difficult time, I realize that no matter how badly I wanted to “be there” for my sister, I couldn’t “be there” like I wanted to be. I couldn’t be as strong as she needed me to be. I wasn’t as wise as I wish I could have been.
The advice I offered her at the time was tainted – it poisoned by my own hurt and anger.
Fortunately, she had a professional to help my sister manage not only her own feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal – but how to handle the tidal waves of emotion she was being hit with from her family and friends.
This is the reason that Tip #1 in our “Divorce Recovery Advice” series is to get professional help. Whether it’s a therapist or a divorce coach you really need someone who isn’t currently being hurt by the divorce process.
A professional can help you make the right decisions in a time of extreme emotional pain. Divorce Coach Judy Smith offers an affordable Divorce Club to help navigate the maze of divorce recovery. Sometimes, just being in a support group with others can help give you the perspective you need as you begin your journey to your happily ever after.
