What you think is what you feel
How are you feeling today? Unless you are suffering from seasonal allergies, a cold virus or a sprained ankle, chances are, you’re feeling the way you’re thinking.
This means, you may be affecting how you feel overall by what’s playing inside of your head. For example, let’s say you are experiencing a high level of anxiety associated with your divorce. Many women are concerned about their ability to manage their finances. It becomes a recurring thought that weighs on you, inducing anxiety in response, as you ponder all of the different scenarios—some plausible, some not.
And how does that anxiety manifest itself?
You may feel wiped out. Your thoughts may feel like a passel of puppies running around inside your skull. You feel like your nerves are sitting on the edge of your skin.
This reaction has been triggered by your own thoughts—especially the ones that have taken on a life of their own.
When you experience feelings of anxiety, or you feel run-down, or you find yourself getting angry a lot, examine what has been going on in your head recently. What thoughts have been given center stage? And with the story that’s playing on that stage, what are you having those characters say?
Teasing apart the words that you are using can shine a light on how you’ve been feeling, so write down those words. For example, the words you’re using could sound like this: “You can’t manage this home by yourself. People will think I’m pathetic if I fall flat on my face.”
Now, pass them through the Test of Truth. Have your friends specifically stated these words to you? More than likely not. Do you have solid evidence that you can’t manage your home? Again, more than likely not.
Every day, you are writing and reciting scripts within your head, and these scripts can become loops that play endlessly. Just as you memorize a foreign language by hearing it over and over, these scripts can also become memorized through repetition, until you begin to take them for the literal truth.
Here’s a strategy for the next time you find yourself feeling poorly with no physiological basis to account for it: step back and listen to the script playing upstairs. Write it out. Are you finding any repetitive catch-phrases? How are you wording the dialogue? If you are hearing a lot of “can’t” and “won’t,” you will need to play devil’s advocate for yourself: argue with those thoughts, and challenge them to offer proof of their truthfulness.
Once you’re done playing devil’s advocate, now you can play supportive friend. Offer kinder, gentler words to be used—just the way you would if it were a close friend who was struggling with their thoughts. If your friend came to you and said, “I’m incapable of handling the least little repair…” you would sympathize with them, and then look for a positive example of something they’ve successfully handled. In essence, you’ve helped their thinking process latch on to something positive to build upon.
Look for opportunities this week to be your own best friend.
 This is a guest post by Judy Smith. Judy specializes in helping women create a new life after divorce. She uses experience and skills acquired over a lifetime to help divorced people transform their lives. Get the personalized help you need by joining her Divorce Coaching Club.
“It’s never too late to live happily ever after.” |
