Part of the divorce recovery process is to begin healing from the emotional wounds inflicted not only during the course of your marriage, but also the emotional wounds inflicted as part of the divorce process.
Hanging on to the past is probably one of the biggest obstacles most people have in healing and recovering from divorce. By hanging on to personal possessions, you are in essence hanging on to the tattered remains of your marriage.
Divesting yourself of any reminders of your previous life is a great way to “wipe the slate clean” and get a fresh start after your divorce. Any meaning from the personal mementos will only serve to hold you back, a reminder of where you’ve been – distracting you from where you want to go.
While divorce is an “end”, it can also be a new beginning. However, to make a fresh start, you must first work on healing the emotional wounds caused by divorce.
Ignoring the pain is NOT the key to healing! A great way to illustrate this principle comes from my athletically gifted daughter. She played basketball when she was in high school and in one game, she twisted an ankle while playing. Instead of acknowledging the injury, (and possibly missing a game) she decided to “grit” through the pain. As she walked, she favored that ankle because it hurt and as a result, she “walked funny”. A few days later, she started having knee pain IN THE OPPOSITE KNEE!
It turns out that by trying to pretend nothing was wrong with her ankle, she put unusual strain on the knee of the opposite leg. When she finally resigned herself to using crutches for a week, her ankle was able to heal and she avoided knee injury by using the crutches.
The same applies to you with your divorce. If you try to pretend you haven’t been wounded – you’ll put strains on other areas of your life. Take time to devote to healing those emotional wounds.
Finding healing after divorce is a personal journey. It takes courage and strength to navigate this journey to divorce recovery.
One great resource to help you on the path to divorce healing and recovery is Leaving Him Behind: Cutting the Cord and Breaking Free After the Marriage Ends. The book is based on over 200 interviews and 13 years of counseling experience. Psychologist Sandra Kahn has written the first guide to offer help to women whose unresolved issues keep them emotionally bound to their ex-husbands, even years after a divorce is final.
