As a Divorce Coach I find that many women are terribly unsure about how to develop a new life of their own that includes the ability to get back “out there” into the dating scene. An article I saw in the Norfolk Examiner discusses this issue from the point of view of setting boundaries.
First, make sure that you have allowed sufficient time for your emotions to reach the point of a ‘healthy recovery’, then you can move forward. The world has changed though. Know that, if you have never been taught boundaries, or how to deal with unwanted pressure in dating relationships, you may wind-up doing something uncomfortable or ‘against your will’. A “boundary”, particularly as it applies to dating, can be defined as:
• A limit that defines you as separate from others
• A limit that promotes integrity and respect
Boundaries can be emotional and/or physical.
Boundaries are applied differently in different types of relationships. Naturally, there is a tendency to be more liberal about boundaries with those you know and trust versus those you don’t. But, understanding what a boundary is, and applying it, is a good standard to maintain in general, and particularly when getting back out into the dating world.
Regarding physical boundaries and “safe” distances with new acquaintances – interestingly enough, it was anthropologist, Edward T. Hall, who determined that “no one you do not know or trust should be within an 18 inch space of your body, because this is considered an intimate zone”. Hall’s definition has become the concept of Proxemics (personal space zones) and is still widely used today. Indeed, his concept gives us ‘food for thought’.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe. Anonymous.
For more good tips, delivered to you directly, sign up for my newsletter: www.judysmithdivorcecoach.com. When you subscribe you will also be entitled to a free copy of my Special Report – that describes different strategies for divorce recovery and how several clients applied them in their own situations.
 This is a guest post by Judy Smith. Judy specializes in helping women create a new life after divorce. She uses experience and skills acquired over a lifetime to help divorced people transform their lives. Get the personalized help you need by joining her Divorce Coaching Club.
“It’s never too late to live happily ever after.” |
