When divorce comes into your life, anger usually comes with it. Anger can come in waves or in different sizes and shapes. Today, I would like to quote a psychologist on looking at ways to identify those waves and how to deal with them.
It is said that anger is a wasted emotion; it doesn’t help anyone and seems to consume our much needed energy. It is important to get passed it and move forward, so that waves will turn to ripples and eventually your life will smooth out to a surface of contentment.
We are told that solid anger could be identified as, mad at everything. It’s when nothing seems to make you happy. You can’t find anything good to say and your body is stuck in the flight-or-fight mode. In this stage it’s hard to find something that can change that. Many people in this stage of anger resort to use of medications, alcohol or drugs to change that feeling. It’s an awful feeling to have.
It’s important to realize, however, that any crutch you use is only masking the anger. Finding a way to get passed it is a better remedy. You may ask, “How do you do that?” …..Little by little, using the techniques I have discussed in earlier articles (and will soon publish as a full program. For information about when the material will be available, just go to my website: www.judysmithdivorcecoach.com and sign up for my newsletter. The newsletter will have information about the forthcoming publication of this program.) In the meantime, try to think of the mustard seed spoken of in the Bible [Mathew 13: 31-32]:
The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and
sowed in his field. Which indeed is the least of all seeds: but when it is grown, it is
the greatest among herbs, and becometh a tree, so that the birds of the air come
and lodge in the branches thereof.
Once you are out of constant anger, you may still be dealing with waves of it. Something may trigger it and cause it to rear its ugly head again. Don’t let yourself fall back into that constant anger pattern. Take a deep breath, (find the mustard seed again) and remember that you can get passed the anger and you can use your energy more wisely on other parts of your life.
It will also help to know that there is a difference between shock and anger; which get confused a lot. You can tell the difference by looking at what it is that triggered your reaction. Is it something that would normally make you upset, or are you upset because you weren’t expecting it? If it would normally make you upset, then you may be angry; if not, then it is probably just the shock of the unexpected. Try to take a moment to think before you react. In the long run, it may save you from constant waves of anger.
Eventually, if you can learn to identify your anger, the triggers, and the difference between shock and anger, you will be better able to handle those gripping sensations. You will be able to get passed it and use that energy for better things, like that time for yourself that you so sorely need. The waves will start to subside. A calm feeling will start to settle in, and your life will start to feel smooth. It may be hard to see it now, if you are in the middle of anger, but this too shall pass – if you take the steps to move forward. You can do this!
 This is a guest post by Judy Smith. Judy specializes in helping women create a new life after divorce. She uses experience and skills acquired over a lifetime to help divorced people transform their lives. Get the personalized help you need by joining her Divorce Coaching Club.
“It’s never too late to live happily ever after.” |
