Divorce is one of life’s most traumatic crises. I’m sure you well-know that the breakdown of a marriage causes one to experience all sorts of negative emotions. Grief, anger, guilt, self-doubt, loneliness and fear are just a few. Sometimes these emotions feel overpowering.
I want to tell you, though, there is an element of hope in all this trauma.. You can do something about those negative emotions – you can counteract them.
Let me explain.
Until very recently, neuroscience had determined (or thought they had determined) that once we reached adulthood, our brains were ‘fixed’, so to speak. Science thought that -by then- our behavior patterns were in place, and that’s simply ‘who we were’. But, in only the last few years, we’ve come to realize that this view is inaccurate. Actually, the brain is a plastic organ.
You can change your brain!
These new findings are indeed exciting. Since the brain is plastic, it means we can change it to think differently about the effects of divorce; learn how to grow beyond it; and get ourselves to a place we like- if not love.
The industrial giant Henry Kaiser once said, “If you change your thinking, you may experience a radical change in your emotions and your entire outlook on life.” That’s a pretty powerful statement – don’t you agree?!
Changing your thoughts is a matter of talking to yourself ( literally) in ways that create more ‘life’ in your life. And, here’s another powerful statement: The decision to program yourself with words that cause problems vs. words that give you confidence and a sense of well-being is entirely up to you! That thinking is your self-talk. Self-talk is simply how and what you direct yourself to think and do. The irony of this simple fact is that most of us have never learned to think about self-talk at all!
Self-talk, then, is the route to changing your thoughts. A motivating factor comes into play here: Changing your thoughts about your feelings is the first step to overcoming the emotional obstacles that are confronting you now. Changing your thoughts is the first step on the path to a new life.
Constructive self-talk phrases are simply positive ones – like:
- “I can do it-just watch me!”
- “Today is a good day”
- “I’m in control!”
I would ask you,
“What kinds of self-directions are unconsciously in control of your life right now?”
It’s important to become aware of these limitations because once you are aware of them, you have a chance to do something about them.
For now, why not give some conscious thought to how much your unconscious beliefs may be limiting you.
| About the author: Judy Smith, Life Coach and founder of The Center for Planned Change, focuses her practice on helping women over 50 create a new life after divorce.Judy offers cost-effective Divorce Coaching Clubs. For personal help in moving on after divorce, to make an appointment for a free telephone ‘strategy’ session, contact her at: judy@judysmithdivorcecoach.com |
